Abuse in familes

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Treating someone cruelly and disrespectfully on a repeated basis is called abuse.  When a family member uses cruelty, disrespect or violence to control or harm other members of the family, action needs to be taken. 

Within families, abuse or violence can take many forms.

Physical Abuse:

 Physical harming including, but not limited to:

Hitting, Slapping, Biting, Kicking, Pushing, Pinching, Stabbing, Burning, Strangling, Throwing objects at the person, Choking, Shooting, Killing

Emotional or Psychological Abuse:

Using words or bullying behaviours that attack a person’s self-image or self-esteem including, but not limited to:

Constant criticism, insults, humiliation, not letting the person meet family or friends, making fun of individual’s choices, ridiculing someone’s faith, intimidating, threatening, cyber-bullying

Sexual Abuse:

Forcing sexual contact or behaviour without the consent of the individual. This includes, but is not limited to:

Sexual activities or touching without consent, forcing sex after physical violence, marital rape, forcing an individual to do humiliating or unsafe sexual acts

Financial Abuse:

Using money or property to exploit another individual, including but not limited to:

Taking someone’s money without permission, withholding or limited someone’s access to money in order to control them, forcing someone to sign property-related documents, exerting pressure to change a will, not allowing an individual to be financially independent

All of these types of abuse can happen in different types of relationships and in a variety of contexts. Some examples of family violence can be seen in the following scenarios:

Child abuse: When an adult uses any of the above types of abuse to harm a child under the age of 18

Intimate partner abuse: Violent or abusive behaviour within spouses, partners or within romantic relationships that are ongoing or have ended

Elder abuse: Abusive behaviours that cause harm to an older adult in the family

Honour-based abuse: Violent or abusive behaviours towards individuals of the family, in order to avoid dishonour or shame to the family. 

Family abuse has negative impacts not only on the victims, but on the entire family. Children exposed to incidents of domestic violence are at a serious risk of developing problems. 

Immediate impacts of abuse:

Physical effects:

Pain and suffering. In addition, medical attention might be required for bruises, cuts, burns, fractures, injuries etc.

Mental and Emotional effects:

Mood swings, shame, guilt, fear, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, feeling of losing control over life 

Long-term impacts:

Individuals who have experienced abuse or violence towards themselves are referred to as victims. Victims might be affected in their day-to-day activities, for example:

-  unable to find employment

-  unable to maintain jobs

-  unable to care for themselves

-  unable to care for their dependents

In addition, they can suffer in many different ways:

Physical effects:

Chronic pain, Sleeping difficulties, conditions like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, muscle tension, headaches

Socio-emotional effects:

Difficulty controlling emotions, lack of trust, lack of stable relationships, guilt, anxiety, low self-image, mental health problems, self-harm

Traumatic disorders:

If a person has been a victim of physical, sexual or emotional abuse, they could be suffering from trauma. The symptoms of trauma can show up later in life as well, after the abusive situation is over. Some signs and symptoms of abuse-related trauma could include:

-  eating disorders

-  substance use (alcohol or drugs)

-  panic attacks

-  anxiety

-  depression

-  suicidal thoughts

-  distress

-  low self-esteem

-  lack of trust

-  angry outbursts

-  nightmares

-  insomnia

Effects on Children:

Children who have been exposed to abuse or have suffered from abuse can be severely impacted throughout their life.

Physical effects:

Children might experience a delay in motor development, balancing their body, developing illnesses like diabetes, obesity, heart conditions, liver conditions and gastrointestinal symptoms 

Emotional effects:

Children may experience emotional distress and feelings of guilt, shame, anger, fear, confusion, lack of trust, lack of self-worth etc. They are also at the risk of developing mental illnesses in the long run.

Academic/Cognitive effects:

For school-aged children, abuse might be affect their ability to participate in school activities. Children’s academic and social performance might decline and they would need extra support in managing school work.

Developmental effects:

Abuse can lead to lower cognitive functioning and children have difficulties with attention and self-regulation.

Socio-behavioural effects:

Children, particularly teens, might engage in risky behaviours, get into constant conflicts, start using drugs and alcohol, engage in fights and bullying, withdraw from social gatherings, suffer from depression, experience attachment issues, have difficulty with controlling their feelings or expressing them appropriately

If you are in immediate danger or fear, please call 911. 

Whether you are a child or an adult, coping with abuse can be difficult, but also very important to do. Family Violence needs to be stopped. To learn more about Family Violence and find resources to help deal with it, visit the following website:

Stop Family Violence (by Government of Canada):

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence.html

Children:

Children can talk to a teacher, an adult they trust, a guidance counsellor, a coach or a relative. There are also some places they can call and talk anonymously, for example:

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868

Adults:

For adults, help is available through 

-  community health centres 

-  family doctors

-  crisis lines

-  therapists in private practice, for example, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, counsellors

-  sexual assault centres

-  spiritual centres

Victims across Canada can also search the Victim Services Directory by Postal Code to find a Victim Service Provider close to them.

Website: https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/cj-jp/victims-victimes/vsd-rsv/index.html

General tips for dealing with abuse:

1.  Know Your Rights:

If you are suffering abuse or violence, you should be aware that you have certain rights, for example, 

-  the right to information, that is, to inquire about information about laws around your situation and the services available to you

-  the right to protection, that is, to request necessary security against intimidation to protect themselves

-  the right to participation, that is, to have their voice heard in the incident

-  the right to seek restitution, that is, to claim financial compensation for the losses they have experiences

For more information, you can visit Government of Canada’s Department of Justice website to understand Victim’s roles and rights in detail:

https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/cj-jp/victims-victimes/rights-droits/

2.  Don’t Be Hard on Yourself:

Stop blaming yourself for the abusive problems. Do not consider yourself to be the cause or reason for domestic violence. Do not feel guilty about doing or not doing something in the incident. Focus on your strengths instead. Stay positive. Think about your qualities and keep giving yourself positive talk.

3.  Stay Busy

Avoid over-thinking about the abuse, if possible. Keep your mind busy in other things. Do not skip work or school. In fact, engage yourself in extra tasks if needed, to keep your mind occupied. Socialize. Hang out with people you like. Engage in physical activities. Volunteer.

4.  Seek Professional Help

It is possible to recover from abuse-related effects. Do not be hesitant to seek help. Reach out to a family doctor or a health centre or a therapist. Take charge of your life.

5.  Self-care

It is important to keep yourself mentally and physically healthy at all times, whether you are going through an abusive relationship currently or have done so in the past. Take care of your personal needs, without feeling any guilt or pressure. Eat healthy meals, sleep enough, relax as needed, do yoga and meditation, take a walk

6.  Separate Yourself from the Situation

Find ways to stay away from the abuser. If that is not possible, find ways to establish boundaries. You can do this using a trusted mediator as well. Make some ground rules and ensure that all the concerned parties stick to those.

7.  Take Charge

Do not simply wait for things to change if you are being victimized or are dealing with effects of a past situation. Take control. If you need to start making a plan of exit for your physical and emotional safety, start doing so. If you require therapy, do not delay it. Be proactive in taking whatever steps are necessary.