Communication

Verbal communication is a primary way of interaction. Words and language form an important part of our interpersonal communication. For effective verbal communication, it is important to remember the principles of verbal communication.

Principles of Verbal communication:

1.  Culture is part of language:

Culture influences language and language influences culture. Communication reflects cultural values and perspectives. 

An example of how culture is woven into language can be seen in many languages, which use specific words for particular relationships. For instance, dad’s older brother is a different name than dad’s younger brother; there is a name for the relationships between wife’s parents and husband’s parents.  English language does not have names for relationships beyond the immediate family, suggesting a lack of emphasis on relationships in the Western culture as opposed to some Asian cultures.

When we learn a language, we also learn a culture. Cultural beliefs and values seep into the language we speak and become part of our identity. We attain fluency in a language only when we begin to understand the cultural influences that shape that language.

2.  Meanings can vary:

Language is symbolic. The words we use change their meaning in different contexts. Sometimes literal interpretations of the language are not enough to understand the meaning of what is being said. Meaning has to be constructed based on the situation in which particular words or language has been used.

3.  Rules determine language:

Some unspoken rules, called ‘regulative rules’ form the basis of verbal communication. Children as young as two years old begin to understand these unsaid rules and start to use them in their conversations.

These rules specify what is right or wrong when communicating with certain people, at certain times, at certain places or in certain ways. For example, we would not talk about personal life in formal interviews, or we would not interrupt when someone is giving a formal speech. 

However regulative rules are also influenced by culture, according to the first principle. In one culture, what might be considered appropriate might not necessarily be acceptable in another culture.

4.  Not what we communicate, but ‘how’ we communicate:

When we use verbal language, there are certain ‘communication devices’ we use, which determine our interaction. These ‘devices’ include:

-  speed

-  pacing

-  pausing

-  overlap

-  interruption

The use of these devices has to be mutually acceptable. Effective interactions use appropriate amounts of pacing and pausing. In casual conversations, overlap and interruptions are permissible to a certain extent. However, the overlaps or interruptions should not become uncomfortable for any of the listeners or participants. Similarly, it is important to pay attention to how fast or slow we are talking in different situations.

Tips for Effective Verbal Communication:

1.  Use language in which you claim your own feelings. Do not blame others for what is happening within yourself. Use “I” language instead of “You” language.

Example:

Instead of saying, “Your loud music is really annoying”, you could say, “My head hurts when I hear this music. Could you change it?” 

Instead of saying, “You are so self-centred in your decisions”, you could say, “I felt ignored when you made that decision”

2.  Be mindful of others’ thoughts and feelings. Be considerate about people when you are talking to them. Don’t be careless, rash or condescending.

Example:

If someone says “I had a terrible migraine last night”, do not say “I know what you mean” if you have never experiences migraines before. 

A man who was working at a tele-distress centre was told not to answer the inbound calls from the mothers who are suffering from postpartum disorder as he cannot correlate and connect with them because of his inability to understand that experience.

3.  Do not speak for others. If someone else has been asked a question, let them answer it. It sounds arrogant and inappropriate to speak on someone’s behalf.

Example:

At a party, if someone asks your wife “How’s your job going”, do not interrupt by saying, “She’s finding it hard to balance everything.” Let her decide what she wants to say.

4.  Be objective. Keep judgments out of your language. State the facts as opposed to your opinions. 

Example:

Instead of saying, “This is such a stupid game”, you could say, “This game has not been designed fairly”.

5.  Avoid generalizing. Try to be as specific as you can. Leave the interpretation up to the listener. Do not try to impose your thinking upon your audience.

Example:

Instead of saying, “Science is harder than arts”, you could say “I have seen many science students work much harder than most students of the arts.”

6.  Think about the other person’s perspective. Do not assume. Ask politely if you are unsure.

Example:

If your mother is constantly asking “where are you going”, do not get upset and say things like “Why do you care?” or “Stop asking me!” Instead, think about why she might be interested in knowing, if she needs an errand to be run or if she is curious about something else. Instead of saying “None of your business”, perhaps you could say “Why do you want to know?” It could give you a new perspective about things.

7.  Encourage others to participate. Be friendly. Share the talk-time. Make others feel valued. You could do this by asking encouraging questions and by showing warmth and openness.

Example:

If you have been the one talking for the past couple of minutes, take a pause and ask, “What do you think?” or simply change the course by saying, “Anyway, that’s enough of me, what are everyone else’s plans for the weekend?”

8.  Be clear. Try to avoid ambiguous, confusing language that could potentially lead to misunderstanding. People do not want to spend time and energy in trying to figure you out. 

Example:

Instead of hinting about how hard it is to socialize when you have a headache, say it directly and if necessary, excuse yourself.

9.  Be concise. Sometimes it might require you to plan ahead. Whatever you need to say can sometimes be said in much fewer words. Often, there is no need to give long introductions and conclusions in your verbal communication.

10. Focus. Try not to be thinking of the next thing you will say while the other person is talking. Listen attentively and respond only about what has been asked of you. Stay to the point. If unsure, ask questions to clarify, instead of talking about something not asked.

Non-verbal communication is what we communicate without using words or language. This includes gestures, body language, inflection, pauses, tone, volume and accent. Many times, these non-verbal factors are even more important than the spoken language used in our communication.

Did you know:

- 85% of what listeners take away from a presentation is based on body language, mannerisms and facial expressions.

- Non-verbal behaviours account for between 65 and 93% of the total meaning of communication 

Principles of Non-Verbal Communication:

1.  Non-verbal communication can enhance and even replace verbal communication.

The verbal messages we give are sometimes strengthened by the non-verbal behaviours we use. For example, we can say a simple word or phrase in many different ways based on the tone, inflection, tone and volume we use. Sometimes saying the word does not convey as much meaning as the non-verbal behaviours that are used to say it. 

Non-verbal behaviours can enhance verbal communication in many ways. They can:

-  repeat the verbal message, for example, nodding accompanied by saying the word ‘yes’

-  highlight the verbal message, for example, emphasis on certain words in a sentence

-  complement the verbal message, for example, saying “hello” along with a hug

-  contradict the verbal message, for example, crying while saying “I’m fine”

There are times, when non-verbal behaviours completely replace the verbal message. For instance, a nod, shake of the head, a shrug of the shoulders, a roll of the eyes can communicate our message very effectively, without the need of words.

2.  Non-verbal indicators guide our interactions.

Most often it is through non-verbal cues that we understand:

-  when to speak

-  when to let others speak

-  when to stop talking

-  when to say nothing and be silent

-  when to say something small

-  when to speak at length

3.  Non-verbal communication indicates our interest, feelings and power.

We respond to others through eye contact, facial expressions and body posture. We use these behaviours to indicate whether or not we are interested or attentive in listening to what others have to say. 

We express positive and negative feelings through non-verbal gestures. A smile, a friendly touch, open arms, a cold stare, a frown, aversion of eyes—all these gestures convey our positive or negative feelings towards the person or situation.

Sometimes power is exerted through non-verbal communication. For example, the ‘silent treatment’ or ignoring someone can be much more forceful at conveying a message than using words. Non-verbal behaviours that show power could include making people wait, taking up more space, being the first and the last person to talk, not smiling at anyone in particular etc.

4.  Non-verbal communication is embedded in culture.

Cultural differences play a big role in how we use or interpret non-verbal communication. The same gesture can mean something completely different in a different cultural context. Some gestures can be considered rude or offensive while they are a sign of respect in a different context. 

For example, the gesture created by using the index finger and thumb to make a circle with the other three fingers pointing straight means “ok” in America (usually used by Scuba divers), means “zero” in France, means “money” in Japan, means a sexual reference in Italy and Spain, and means an insult in Saudi Arabia, referring to the “evil eye”.

Some cultures are emotionally very expressive while others are uptight. This can sometimes lead to misinterpretation. Non-verbal patterns often reflect the values, perspectives and contexts from where people have acquired their communication skills. 

Tips for Effective Non-Verbal Communication:

1.  Monitor yourself during the interaction. Be aware of what you are doing nonverbally. Pay attention to how others are responding to your behaviour. 

Example:

If you are using a very loud voice or are too close, someone might step back from you or visibly give a sign that you need to change your volume or your position.

2.  Understand multiple perspectives. Do not assume that others are at the same wavelength or in the same situation as you when you are interacting.

Example:

Someone might be tired or had a rough day while you are talking excitedly about something. Read their non-verbal cues. Change the topic or stop the conversation if necessary.

3.  Give credit to culture. Be aware that different nonverbal behaviours carry different cultural meanings. Do not be quick to judge rudeness or take offence by certain gestures. Clarify if necessary.

Example:

If someone speaks loudly to prove a point, it might be due to their cultural difference, not necessarily in order to be rude to you.

4.  Consider the context. To convey a certain message, the context, the place or the time might be inappropriate. 

Example:

It might be necessary to adjust the degree of friendliness you show towards your friend when you go to visit him or her at the workplace.

5.  Look for incongruent behaviours. If someone is using non-verbal actions to contradict the verbal message they are giving, pay more attention to the non-verbal behaviour. See if you can help.

Example:

Someone might be frowning, looking unfriendly and not making eye contact, even though they are saying that they are fine. Do not start up a chatter. It might be necessary to give them space or change the mood with something relaxing in the physical setting.

6.  Practice non-verbal signals for specific goals. For formal presentations, you might need to practice how to look confident, keep your shoulders back and ensure that you are not fidgety. For informal conversations, you might need to learn how to convey your feelings through non-verbal communication more effectively.

7.  Be aware that non-verbal signals can be misinterpreted. Someone might appear to be showing signs of anxiety or disinterest in what you are saying. But perhaps we don’t understand their perspective or situation. Similarly, others may also misinterpret your non-verbal signals.

8.  Avoid distracting the speaker with non-verbal communication. Sometimes we might give non-verbal signals like wide eyes, a frown, a laugh or a shake of the head while someone is talking. This can be distracting for the speaker.

9.  Ask for feedback. Be open to others’ suggestions about how you use non-verbal communication. Be mindful of nonverbal communication patterns within yourself and within others including eye contact, facial expression, tone of voice, posture, gestures, touch, intensity, context and timing. 

10. Observe good communicators. Notice how they stand or sit, how they dress up, how they hold their head, how they show emotions, what they do with their hands, what they do if they make a mistake and how they change their body language when they want to emphasize a point.

Talking is not the only part of communication. Listening is equally, if not more, important in a conversation. Many of us are not great at listening. It is an important life skill that we need to navigate through our everyday life smoothly and sensibly. 

Components of Listening:

Listening is a process. It involves not only our ears, but our minds and hearts too. Here are the steps involved in the listening process:

1. Hearing:

The physical process of hearing is the first step required to listen. This is the part that happens with our ears. Sometimes, if we are not able to hear clearly or properly, we are not able to pay attention or understand. In other words, if we cannot hear well, we will not be able to listen well. Background noise, our hearing ability and the volume of the person who is talking—all these affect our hearing.

2. Paying attention:

We show that we pay attention to the speaker by demonstrating certain physical behaviours. For instance, looking at the speaker and adopting a relaxed posture when someone is talking shows that we are paying attention. Avoid fidgeting, looking at your phone or seeming like you are in a hurry.

3. Mindfulness:

Mindfulness means to be fully present, to not let your thoughts wander away. In the listening process, mindfulness means being physically and mentally present with the speaker. Do not think about other things. Be calm. When we are mindful, we are able to make more sense of what the speaker is trying to say and it helps engage in the conversation more meaningfully. 

4.  Understanding:

Listening means understanding, not just hearing some words that someone has said. It involves making a mental note of what resonates with us and what does not. It also might involve making decisions and taking actions based on what is being said. 

5. Responding:

Responding is a part of listening. Sometimes the response might be verbal and at other times it could be non-verbal. Regardless, effective listeners are aware of how and when to respond, in order to have a smooth, meaningful communication.

6. Cultural awareness:

When we listen to others, we have to be aware of what their cultural norms of communication might be. Effective listeners identify and accept cultural differences in communication.

Tips for Effective Listening:

1.  Be physically attentive. Get your body to pay attention to the speaker by facing him or her, looking at them as appropriate, nodding or gesturing as appropriate and not fidgeting. 

2.  Be mentally present. Be mindful. Keep not only your ears, but also your mind active in the communication happening around you. It helps to show that you value the conversation and the person who is speaking. You also understand better.

3.  Be relaxed. Do not be in a rush to do something else while the speaker is talking. Be gentle with yourself and with the person who is talking. Smile if appropriate.

4.  Be empathetic. Listen so that others feel acknowledged and respected. If you listen carefully, you might notice a sign that they need help with something. Don’t judge, just listen and be there for the person.

5.  Be patient. Sometimes people will display communication behaviours when you will not be able to empathetic. They might offer advice when you don’t need it, begin to complain or tell stories about themselves, they might console or sympathize inappropriately or they might not understand your need for silence. Be patient. Most importantly, learn from the situation so that you are not saying similar things to people in similar situations.

Negative Listening Behaviours to Avoid:

-  Fake listening (or Pseudo-listening): Sometimes we pretend to listen, but are not really paying attention. We even show non-verbal signals like nodding our head, making eye contact etc., but our mind is somewhere else.

-  Selective listening: Sometimes we retain only certain parts of the communication and discard the rest. It might be due to what suits our interest or what impresses us. 

-  Interruptive listening: Sometimes we do not allow the speaker to finish, and are too anxious to share our own thoughts. We keep interrupting with questions, comments or remarks. This behaviour can appear rude and insensitive.

-  Self-fulfilling listening: Sometimes we do not really pay attention to the other person’s perspectives, but instead keep finding a way to divert the conversation to ourselves. Others perceive us as monopolizing the conversation, as if it is ‘all about us’ and as if other people’s viewpoints are not important.

-  Ambushing: Sometimes we listen carefully, but with the goal of finding an opportunity to prove the speaker wrong. We select the information that suits our purpose and do not pay attention to the context, perspective or the big picture that the speaker is trying to share.

-  Defensive listening: Sometimes when we listen to others, we keep feeling as if the speaker is directing his or her words to attack us, to make us feel bad or to criticize us, when that is not really the case. It is simply our perception and sometimes happens when we are feeling vulnerable or have low self-esteem.

-  Judgmental listening: Sometimes when we listen to others, we make assumptions about the speaker. Instead of listening to what is being said, we start thinking about the qualities, traits and characteristics of the person.

-  Solution-focused listening: Sometimes we listen in order to fix problems. We feel that whatever is being said is a problem and that we should offer a solution. Instead of gathering information, we listen with the purpose of giving advice.

Communication is one of the essential skills that we need in the workplace. Effective communication at work helps to create a positive working environment and to meet common goals more productively and efficiently.

Purposes of communication at the workplace:

1.  To demonstrate knowledge, skills or abilities

2.  To demonstrate workplace qualities

3.  To work with a team

Communication problems in the workplace:

1. Conflict management:

Different opinions and viewpoints are common in the workplace. This can sometimes lead to arguments or conflicts. The conflict can be minor or at times of a highly complex nature. Resentment, misunderstandings and attitude problems sometimes arise due to these conflicts making the workplace stressful for many people.

2. Power differences:

In the workplace, different people or groups of people share different levels of power. Sometimes power differences create communication difficulties. Power can influence how leaders and subordinates might interact with each other, both verbally and non-verbally.  This can affect decision-making, questioning, asking for clarification, making requests and sharing thoughts and ideas.

3. Passive listening:

Since people are busy with their own share of work, sometimes during group meetings or even during one on one interactions, they do not listen actively to what is being said. Their mind is far away. They are unable to fully comprehend what is being shared.

4. Cultural interpretations:

Workplaces are often diverse places where people come from different cultural backgrounds. Communication patterns vary for different cultures. Many times, misunderstandings arise when people do not understand or accept other cultural norms of communication. 

5. Task demands:

Sometimes the task given to an individual or a team might be too demanding or challenging. This can influence the way that individual or the team communicates. Both verbal and non-verbal communication can be affected under tight timelines or pressure to perform well.

6. Professionalism:

The conduct, behaviour and attitude of workers in the workplace determines how professional they are. This includes qualities like productivity, responsibility, integrity, accountability, resiliency and efficiency. Employees who lack professionalism sometimes use inappropriate means of communication, which could make other uncomfortable and create an unhealthy working environment. It is important for employees to understand what content to share and with whom.

7. Tools for communication:

The workplace uses many different communication tools including email, phone call and in-person meetings. Communication problems can arise when the users are not well-versed in how to use these tools professionally or when they choose to use the incorrect tool for a specific form of communication.  

Tips for Effective Workplace Communication:

1.  Practice verbal and non-verbal communication skills. The effective use of these skills at the workplace will help you in having a smoother experience. Learn the art of good communication and practice it at home, with siblings, friends or family members.

2. Engage in active listening. When someone is communicating—whether your supervisor, a team-mate or a subordinate, listen actively with your ears, mind and heart. Even if you are busy, this will help in the long-term as you will have a better understanding of the situation.

3. Be aware of different styles of communication. It is not necessary that everyone at your workplace will follow your style of communication, or will understand it. Accept the differences that other people show.

4. Be flexible according to the situation. There are times when you will need to take an active role in communication and times when it might be best not to say or do anything. Use good judgement and be flexible in changing your approach if necessary.

5. Use humour. Workplaces can be stressful and challenging for many people. Use humour. Make people laugh. When appropriate, do not hesitate to spread happiness and cheer. Make sure that the laughter is not at the expense of someone. If you like to crack jokes, be careful to be appropriate. Gauge the right time to do so.

6. Appreciate and celebrate. Create and participate in a culture of celebration by recognizing achievements, milestones and accomplishments. This demonstrates respect for colleagues and a supportive environment. It also gives everyone a chance to understand their co-workers better.

7. Empathize professionally. If someone is passing through challenging times at work or in their personal life, empathize with them by being there to listen or help as required. However, be professional. Do not be loose in your talk. Do not let others take advantage of the situation either.

8. Seek clarification. If you are unsure of something, need feedback or have received criticism regarding something, seek clarification. Ask questions politely. Do not make assumptions about situations or people. Clarify. 

9. Understand dual perspective. Sometimes people are unable to comply with your requests or do as you please because of a valid reason. Make the effort to understand their perspective.

10. Keep emotions under control. When working closely with other people, we sometimes agree, disagree, come to a consensus or decide on taking different routes. Emotions arise in these situations. While we have to honour our emotions, we also have to be mindful of other people and their emotions. Our communication should not be too influenced by our emotions.