Family Relationships

---

An important role of the family is to provide supportive and nurturing relationships for each other. Healthy relationships are the foundations for strong, happy families. 

Sometimes, marriages or intimate partnerships do not progress as expected, and unfortunately have to end. However, with some simple ways to reconnect and make positive efforts, couples can ensure a smooth functioning in their partnership:

1.  Positive interactions:

Negative interactions are bound to happen in any marriage or intimate relationship. With this understanding, partners need to be mindful that every time a negative interaction happens, there should be some positive interactions to counterbalance. 

2.  Opportunities for togetherness:

Create opportunities to engage in activities that you both enjoy. It helps you to relax in each other’s company, spend quality time together, while doing something fun or enjoyable. 

3.  Communication:

Effective communication is the key to any relationship. It is also an important life skill. Pay attention to your verbal and non-verbal communication. We have to be mindful of how we use our words and our body language when communicating with our partners.

4.  Respect:

Everyone has a right to have an opinion. We don’t all have to agree with each other’s opinions, but we do have to respect each other’s rights to have their independent viewpoints. We have to be agreeable and pleasant. Healthy relationships are marked by mutual respect in which partners respect each other’s abilities, thoughts, feelings and opinions.

5.  Individual identity:

Couples who have healthy relationships not only focus on their collective identity, but also their individual choices, needs, goals and desires. If one of the individuals is unhappy, then as a couple they will be unhappy. Each individual’s identity should be acknowledged, supported and given the space and respect that it deserves. It is important to understand the perspectives of both people in order for the relationship to be successful.

6.  Seek support if necessary:

There is no stigma or shame in trying to make things work. If you feel you need a mediator, or some guidance to help make your relationship better, you can join a support group, attend a workshop or reach out to a marriage or relationship counsellor. This will give you strategies for managing conflict and strengthening the relationship.

Some common signs of Unhealthy Relationships:

If your relationship is suffering, then it is best not to ignore the signs and do something about it. Here are some things that can be seen in some unhealthy relationships:

-  Constant arguments that are unresolved

-  Controlling behaviour by one of the partners, in terms of decision-making, finances and socializing

-  Disrespect attitude towards the other partner, symbolized by hurting feelings, ridiculing, not valuing opinions etc.

-  Violence or abuse

Ending a Relationship:

If your relationship is going through a separation or divorce, it is important to know your rights and responsibilities, including spousal support money, property rights, credit splitting, change of circumstances etc. Look for online resources, consult a community agency or get lawyers’ advice.

Building positive relationships between parents and children is very important in maintaining a healthy family environment. Healthy parenting practices are essential in building these positive relationships. This helps to regulate children, enhances their wellbeing, and ensures the smooth functioning of the family.  

Here are some strategies to enhance the parent-child relationship and ensure a healthy family environment:

1.  Togetherness:

As a parent, it can sometimes be hard to carve out the time to spend with children. When parents come back from a tired day of work, it might be tempting to rest and pay attention to home-related tasks. However, it is essential to spend time with your children without any distractions, even if it is for 15 minutes in a day. Make togetherness a priority. It helps children see that parents prioritize them. It also gives parents a chance to understand their child better.

2.  Acceptance:

Parents sometimes consider their role to be ‘instructive’. They immediately resort to giving advice, directions or telling children what the ‘right thing’ is. Sometimes, it is necessary to listen and accept children’s ideas. Make children feel valued. This helps to build trust. When children are aware that parents accept them, then they share more with them and take the initiative to strengthen the bond.

3.  Firmness:

It is important to have rules within the house, for both parents and children. The rules should be respected and valued by both parties. Children’s rights should be told to them, but responsibilities should also be given, with the expectation that they will be fulfilled. It is important that the family environment is gentle, but firm. Firmness strengthens the parent-child relationship in the long term, even though in the moment it might appear that the child is resisting it.

4.  Clear communication: 

It should be clear as to what children and parents can or cannot do. Some behaviours and actions are not permissible by parents or children. These should be clearly communicated. Once this is clear and decided, it minimizes the scope for argument about many issues.

5.  Patience:

Relationships require hard work and patience. Children are still developing their thought processes and might not be able to understand the parents’ perspective right away. Instead of losing patience, scolding, starting an argument or giving a consequence, parents must tackle the situation with patience. Parents have to model patience for their children. Only then can they expect patience and good manners in return. 

6.  Validation:

Sometimes parents don’t validate children, their thoughts or their problems. It is important to listen and take children’s fears seriously, if any. Respect their feelings without trying to laugh it off or saying, “That’s silly.” Instead, listen caringly, provide explanations, give reassurance and be open to the idea that external or professional help might be needed for a problem.

Benefits of healthy parent-child relationships for family enhancement:

-  Less chaos:

Strong parent-child relationships help to reduce the chaos in the household. Chaotic home lives often lead to disruptive behaviours among children. By strengthening the relationship, we can improve the behaviours demonstrated by children. 

-  Better child development:

Cognitive and intellectual development is an important role of parenthood. When parents and children have strong relationships and spend a lot of time together, it makes it easier for the parents to facilitate an environment for intellectual stimulation and help promote cognitive development.

-  Effective social structure:

When parents and children share a bond of understanding, then it leads to creating an effective social environment within the home. Parents and children are able to convey their social expectations from each other in different situations. This enhances the social structure of the family. Your family will be able to maintain social relationships with each other and with other friends and relatives much more smoothly.

-  Happiness and contentment:

Healthy relationships are the key to happy lives. If family relationships, interactions and co-dependence are structured in a healthy atmosphere, then it will lead to a better quality of life, more contentment and happiness in the lives of all members of the family.

Many cultures adopt Extended Family models, in which they choose to rely on an extended network of reciprocal relationships in order to support the individual members of the family. These extended families might comprise of parents, children, grandparents, aunts and/or uncles, cousins and others.

Benefits of Extended Families:

-  Cultural Identity:

Extended families help to maintain the cultural identity of the family as a collective, but also of each individual. Grandparents might involve younger generations in sharing stories, skills, customs and traditions. Children might also see many different members involved in the cultural practices unique to the family.

-  Sense of Community:

Growing up and living in an extended family gives all family members a feeling of belonging. Each individual can identify himself or herself as a part of the family as a whole, where everyone is important and valued.

-  Crisis Support:

Whenever there is a problem, an emergency or a crisis, it can be a blessing to be living with extended family, who can offer support and care to the different family members as needed.

-  Financial Support:

Sometimes it can be more affordable to live as an extended family. It can help to distribute the burden of paying a mortgage or bills, and can reduce the financial strain on the family.

-  Stability:

Extended families often provide stability in the lives of children and other family members. They provide a large buffer in times of emotional, physical or financial needs, giving the family an opportunity to be stable even through transitions and tough times. 

-  Better Health:

Since many people are available to provide care, it often leads to a healthier family life. Home-cooked meals, sharing of chores and reduced stress of daycare are some examples of how extended families can benefit the physical and mental health of family members.

-  Multigenerational Perspectives:

Often extended families include more than one or two generations. This helps everyone learn about the perspectives of different generations and learn how to establish relationships with each.

Problems in Extended Families:

-  Differences in Viewpoints:

Since many different people live together in extended families, there are bound to be differing points of view. If these differences are not resolved amicably, it could lead to an unhealthy family atmosphere.

-  Conflicts:

Extended families can comprise of smaller units within themselves, formed by individuals or smaller groups (e.g., siblings, grandparents, working couples etc.). When attitudes and values of different individuals or groups vary, there is a chance for conflicts to arise.

-  Roles of Family Members:

Sometimes it is unclear to family members as to what role to play in the extended families. For instance, while grandparents’ traditional role is to simply enjoy their grandchildren, they might be required to play a parenting role when parents go to work. This can lead to confusion, miscommunication and sometimes chaos. 

-  Financial issues:

While extended families can sometimes make finances easier, they can also see many money-related problems. For example, some individuals of the family might be paying more than others for the wellbeing of the entire family, and this can lead to problems. 

-  Collective versus individual priorities:

Sometimes the collective good of the family fails to take individual priorities into account. In case of extended families, some individuals’ needs or preferences might not be considered. This could lead to issues.

-  Privacy issues:

It goes without saying that extended families might offer less privacy to their individual members. Some members might be sharing rooms. Many individuals might have a hard time in finding privacy to have discussions. This can put a strain on certain relationships.

-  Social tensions:

Depending on the personalities and attitudes of different individuals within the extended family, some people might feel disrespected or undervalued. This can lead to social tensions and put a strain on the relationships between individual family members.

Tips for Building Healthy Relationships in Extended Families:

1.  Clarify roles: Each individual (and small unit) should be aware of the roles they play in the family. 

2.  No assumptions: Sometimes people take individual family members for granted in extended families. Do not assume that someone will always be available or will always do what they have been doing.

3.  Norms of respect: Certain rules should be established to ensure that all the members of the extended family are treated with respect and care. Children should not be constantly yelled at, and adults of the family should not be insulting each other.

4.  Addressing concerns: If there are concerns, it is best to address them as soon as possible, instead of letting the problems fester for too long, until they start becoming serious.

5.  Communication: The way we use verbal and non-verbal communication in our interactions is the key to any relationship. 

6.  Establish boundaries: Since extended families can sometimes lead to lack of privacy, establish respectful boundaries of physical space as well as social and emotional boundaries.

7.  Positive language: Avoid the language of criticism and complaining. Try to choose words carefully. Negative language will affect not only you and the listener, but quite likely many other members of the family.

8.  Family rituals: To reap the benefits of togetherness in extended families, establish certain family rituals in which the entire family comes together. Keep them realistic and maintain consistency in following the rituals.

9.  Responsibilities: Everyone in the family needs to shoulder the responsibility of running the household. One or two individuals cannot be expected to take care of everything and everyone. Delegate responsibilities and ensure that everyone is accountable.

10. Show Appreciation: Appreciate the help, support, guidance and care you are receiving from each other. Be expressive of this appreciation. Let family members feel valued, loved and included.