If you are new to a country, you might sometimes feel lost as a parent.
There might be many questions on your mind. For instance:
· Why are my parenting methods so different from others’?
· What resources are available to me here to raise my child?
· How can I ensure that my child learns my cultural values while growing up in a new country?
· Should I do what the dominant culture does, or should I continue to parent my way?
As an immigrant, you will definitely need to be aware of some of the cultural differences of both places. Based on this, you might need to make some adjustments to your parenting styles. You also might need a better awareness of the supports and resources available to you.
The sections below are informative for immigrant parents in Canada, especially those who are newly arrived.
Moving to a new country might require you to make some adjustments to your parenting style. Parenting methods vary from culture to culture, from place to place. What worked in a different country might not necessarily work in the country you have migrated to.
North America’s cultural norms related to parenting might be very different from the norms that immigrant parents have seen and are used to, prior to moving. This might require them to make some adjustments.
Parenting decisions that might need adjustment after immigration:
1. Discipline strategy:
Different cultures have different approaches of disciplining the child. While immigrants might be embracing a culture in which parents hold the ultimate authority, the North American culture uses a more democratic approach.
As an immigrant, you might need to take a look at your discipline approach. While different children might need different ways of disciplining, in general it is seen that too strict discipline and too lax discipline are both not effective in the North American context. It might be tricky to strike a balance. Useful resources, parenting classes and assistance are sometimes available through community agencies for immigrants.
2. Academic priorities:
Many Asian — and other eastern — cultures have high expectations from children around academic achievement. Sometimes these expectations can be unrealistic and can be a source of mental pressure. Academic success is seldom rewarded or praised, while academic failure is severely punished.
In Canada — and all of North America — immigrant parents have the opportunity to re-evaluate the importance they attach to academics. There are several avenues available for children to use their strengths, abilities and talents. It is okay to expect academic achievements, but it is also important to focus on the overall development of the child’s personality, attitudes towards learning and achieving overall success in life.
3. Self-perception:
North American parenting focuses on making kids self-reliant, independent, assertive and expressive, even at early ages. However, many South Asian and Eastern cultures teach children self-restraint and emphasize being submissive and adjusting.
Immigrant parents have to be tactful in seeing how a balance can be set up between the two beliefs, in order to keep their own style of parenting, but also ensuring that their child is not completely out of touch with a positive sense of self that North-American children will have as a result of the way they have been raised.
4. Family ties:
Some cultures are collectivist while some are individualist. North American cultures are typically individualist, whereby each individual is considered a unit on his own. Many other cultures however, are collectivist, in which families are considered to be a unit as a whole. Family relations are strong in such cultures and interdependence is commonly seen. Children are often not expected to move out after they grow up. It is seen as a sign of disrespect and ungratefulness. In North American cultures, however, it is a common expectation that children would be moving out from their homes as soon as they are independent adults.
Immigrant parents might not see such things in their non-immigrant counterparts at work or in their social circles. It might create conflict in their mind as to whether what they are doing is right. Their children also might be getting influenced by their non-immigrant peers and might not give importance to family ties. Some adjustments might need to be made by both you and your children.
5. Gender roles of parents:
In many immigrant cultures, mother is considered to be playing the active role of parenting. Fathers often only provide financial security. Culturally, their physical and emotional presence in the life of children is not emphasized.
However, North American cultures emphasize the roles of father and mother as equally important. It might appear strange to some immigrant families if they see fathers taking an active interest in all the aspects of their children’s lives. Since employment roles and financial roles of immigrant families may also vary in a new cultural context, it might be beneficial to adjust some gender roles if necessary.
6. Caregivers other than parents:
In some cultures, children spend large amounts of time with members of the family who are not their parents (e.g., grandparents, aunts or uncles). Large, multi-generational families living together are the norm in those type of cultures. Many individuals thus influence the ‘parenting’ of the child.
This is very uncommon in North American cultures, where the parents are often the only caregivers. If caregiving support is required, formalized methods like ‘daycares’ and ‘care programs’ are utilized, for which the parent once again is the primary contact.
Immigrant families’ caregiving strategies and supports can look very different from non-immigrants. It might be a good idea to learn about the benefits of both approaches to see which one suits a particular child or family the most.
References:
Bornstein M. H. (2012). Cultural Approaches to Parenting. Parenting, science and practice, 12(2-3), 212–221. doi:10.1080/15295192.2012.683359
Choi, A. (2014). How cultures around the world think about parenting. Ideas.Ted.Com.
Culture: Synthesis. In: Tremblay RE, Boivin M, Peters RDeV, eds. Encyclopedia on Early Childhood Development [online]. http://www.child-encyclopedia.com/culture/synthesis. Updated October 2012. Accessed February 5, 2020.
Chang, M. (2007). Cultural differences in parenting styles and their effects on teens' self-esteem, perceived parental relationship satisfaction, and self-satisfaction (Doctoral dissertation, Carnegie Mellon University).
Maintaining Your Culture:
Even though Canada is a multicultural country, different global cultures are represented in different proportions. You might find many members of your cultural community in certain areas. Many agencies now provide culturally appropriate supports as well.
For newcomer parents, maintaining their own culture might be an important thing. Since their children are growing up in a new culture in which the immigrant parents were not raised, the parents might be worried that their children will lose the cultural identity from the country of their origin.
Some strategies to keep your own culture alive and active for your children:
- Use your first language at home, especially with your children even if they participate mostly in English
- Read dual-language books, which have your home language as well as English translation
- Share stories of yourself growing up. If you have picture of your home country, show it to the child
- Play cultural music; dance to cultural songs
- Keep your cultural ‘kitchen’ intact. Cook things from your culture whenever you can
- Celebrate your cultural festivals, involving children in the decorations, customs and traditions
- Discuss multiculturalism and diversity that children notice in their schools or in the world around them. Teach children not to be judgmental about other cultures and emphasize how every culture is unique
Integrating with the New Culture:
Being part of a new cultural environment can sometimes be hard. It can lead to many issues that arise due to stress. Newcomers and their children can sometimes experience something called a culture shock. This is a reaction to the many changes that they have to make when they move into a new culture. Culture shock can sometimes make it hard for individuals to function physically, intellectually, emotionally or socially. Coping mechanisms are required to deal with stress or culture shock effectively. Enough time needs to be given to make adjustments.
Some strategies useful in helping children integrate effectively into a new culture:
- Participate with your child in local and community activities, at the nearest community centres, parks and recreation centres
- Discuss multiculturalism in positive ways. Highlight how people look and act differently due to their cultural differences
- Teach your child English (or French, as the case may be). If your own English is not good, take English classes. For most newcomers, these are offered free
- Watch some English TV shows with your child; as a parent, watch the local news and discuss whatever is appropriate
- Try to interact with people of all cultures, not just your own community
- If you or your child is displaying signs of culture shock, do not ignore it. Admit your feelings. Deal with emotional and mental health proactively
- Visit the child’s school, connect with the child’s educators and request information about school programs or systems whenever in doubt
- Encourage your child to join school clubs and participate in extra-curricular activities of interest
- Learn about the differences in the education system, and speak to a settlement worker, a guidance counsellor or community members about how you can balance these changes from your country or origin
- Give children responsibilities at home and lead them towards gradual independence
- Be aware that parents’ speed of integration might be different than the children’s speed. Learn together and support each other
- Use observation skills to notice how others are acting, talking and behaving in certain situations, in order to learn what behaviours are the expected norms.
- It is okay to feel lost, nervous and tired at times. Be easy on yourself and your family. Give yourself time. Applaud yourself for the big move you have made and the successes you are achieving
References:
Dotsch, J. (2013). Culture Shock. CMAS
Hawary, C. (2017). Ten tips to help you adapt to a new culture. I Am A Triangle
Health Nexus (2018). Growing up in a New Land: a guide for newcomer parents
Immigrant Services Association of Nova Scotia (isans) (2016). Hand in hand: A parenting guide for newcomers
Parenting Supports and Resources
in Ontario and Greater Toronto Area:
Best Start Health Nexus (parenting awareness, information and resources)
https://resources.beststart.org/for-parents/
BridgeWay Family centre (Free prenatal and early learning programs):
https://bridgewaycentre.ca/programs-services/?program=15
Caledon Parent-Child centre
https://www.cp-cc.org/
Central West Health Line (List of Parenting education resources in Peel Region)
https://www.centralwesthealthline.ca/listServicesDetailed.aspx?id=10127®ion=Brampton
Child Care Centres (map)
https://www.peelregion.ca/planning-maps/settlement/
EarlyON Child and Family Centres
https://www.ontario.ca/page/find-earlyon-child-and-family-centre
Family Education Centre
https://familyedcentre.org/parenting-programs-library/
Family Resources Programs (FRP) Canada
http://www.welcomehere.ca/
Family Services of Peel (Counselling, Trauma Intervention, Families and Schools)
Indus Community Services
Ontario Prenatal Education
https://ontariodirectoryprenataleducation.ca/
Peel Children’s Centre
http://peelcc.org/en/services-for-professionals/prof_valley_infpar
Region of peel (Municipality official website)
http://www.peelregion.ca/health/family-health/
The Cdrsb Centre (Child Development Resource Connection Peel)
https://www.cdrcp.com/early-years
The Mississauga Halton Health Line Center
https://www.mississaugahaltonhealthline.ca/listServices.aspx?id=10127
Vita Centre